The only visitors she had were the voices in her head… During my entire 14 months in the Samson Group Home, no one ever came to visit her ~ not family, not friends ~ and from what others told me, this “Sally Doe” had been there for many years. Of course, none of the therapists or mental health technicians could divulge to me her background or personal information, but from what I did end up knowing, I concluded that she had simply been dropped off and forgotten by her loved ones. Very sad, to say the least…
One time in a group session, Sally expressed her heartfelt desire to go home, wherever that may have been. That was when I realized that despite the severity of her schizophrenia, she remembered family, at least some of the time. But then it was hard to say anything about the reliability of the memories Sally had; after all, there were times she believed herself to be pregnant, or to be a movie star, or some great singer (and she did, in fact, have quite a bluesy, Janice Joplin-type voice.)
Still, she knew she had family. Presumably, her family still knew they had her. They just didn’t visit her. One might quickly conclude they no longer cared, if ever they did care. I know this is what I thought and, honestly, still think; however, it also eventually occurred to me that it might be too psychologically, emotionally difficult for them to visit Sally. This may seem like a lame excuse, but I knew nothing of her family. Who knows what difficulties they struggle with and how vicious those struggles might be?
Did you know that “there is a high heritability to schizophrenia … with heritability estimates ranging from 64 to 81 percent?”¹ This being the case, then, it’s possible that Sally is not the only one in her biological family to struggle with this, or some other, malady. The lesson here (for me, at least) is, “Do not pre-judge! Especially when you don’t know the whole story!” Nevertheless, it was sad to see her day in and day out, seemingly so alone in the world… Funny, though, Sally didn’t seem too upset by her situation.
Point in fact, Sally is mostly happy, although the voices that speak to her do upset her from time to time. She talks to them all through her waking hours, and every so often you might hear her burst out with, “Leave me alone!” or “Go to hell!” or some other virile reaction. Otherwise, Sally is an adorable, happy, 40-something year-old with one of the most beautiful smiles you can imagine. Couple this with the fact that in many ways she is so like an innocent, little girl, and you can’t help but fall in love with her.
Ah, but what about so many of the others with whom I lived? Sally Doe was not the only one who never received visits from family or friends. Tragically, out of anywhere from 14 to 18 residents (at any given time) around eight to ten never had friend or family visit … or even call or write! It’s like they’ve simply been abandoned. According to Natasha Tracy, writing in 2012, oftentimes someone…
… is just left because of the pain and stigma of dealing with a mental illness. Sometimes people just can’t last through the stress of illness and treatment. Sometimes people really are abandoned by those they thought loved them unconditionally.²
Well, this is one of the important reasons I’ve determined to go back to the group home from time to time just to visit. Perhaps my determination no to forget will make some positive difference. I certainly hope and pray so… Just out of curiosity, what about you? Would you feel comfortable visiting a group home for the mentally ill? If not, of course, that is understandable. If you’ve never experience any kind of mental illness or been hospitalized or lived in a group home, it can certainly be uncomfortable!
Ah … but there are so many in need of pure, genuine love and camaraderie. I think of my second family still residing in the Samson Group Home and my heart aches near breaking. By the way, this is where the Church (and, I suppose, mosque, synagogue, temple, etc.) has really “dropped the ball.” Do you know that during my entire 14 months at the group home, we never received one visit from any church (or other religious institution)? Yes, someone might come by to pick someone up for Sunday service, but…
More on this subject later. It’s an important topic, I think, and perhaps in openly, honestly addressing it we might encourage more interaction between Church and the mentally ill.
¹ Susan K. Whitbourne and Richard P. Halgin, Abnormal Psychology: Clinical Perspectives on Psychological Disorders, Seventh Edition, 151; for an interesting, informative article on heritability, cf. Natasha Tracy and Harry Croft, MD, “Schizophrenia Genetics: Is Schizophrenia Hereditary?” as found at Healthy Place
² Tracy, “Fear of Abandonment Due to Mental Illness,” as accessed on 09/24/2018 at Healthy Place
For previous articles in this series, go to:
Crazy Life: My Testimony, Part I
Crazy Life: My Testimony, Part II
Crazy Life: My Testimony, Part III
15 thoughts on “Crazy Life: Sally Dumped and Deserted”
Writing your personal experience will help lots of our neighbors in need, dear Jonathan. I noticed a more individual approach increasing in the mental health care and I am very glad about that. Cause, we are all unique Beautiful Souls, and although there are similarities mentally health wise, unique counseling and coaching is required I feel.
However, again, personal stories to which people can relate and resonate, so important. So thank you for sharing your story, dear Jonathan and remind people they are NOT alone.
Big hug, XxX
Yes, absolutely, dear Patty! That’s exactly what I want to do … via my blog and in person! Thank you so much for your kind and encouraging words!
Well, we are going to be colleagues – sort of- then 🙂 Enjoy the rest of the week, dear Jonathan. Big hug! XxX
You, too, Patty! 🙂
Thanks for this last piece Jonathan. I had wondered what was going on since I didn’t see you being active on facebook anymore. I’m sure I’m not the only one who missed you. This post made me think of a young woman from the church I grew up in. She was institutionalized off and on as a teen, and I think is permanently housed now at the facility in Parsons, Kansas. I hope the pastor is going to visit her. I should ask her mother how she’s doing. (Or ask my mother to ask her, now that Mom is going occasionally to that church again.) It’s been awhile but I did do a few pastoral visits to people I knew who were patients at the state hospital in Osawatomie, Kansas. I also did jail visits and found there were a good number of inmates who were eager for a pastoral visit and prayers and had no church connection. Wishing you the best my friend,Andrew
Thank you so much, Andrew. I’m so glad to hear you visit the state hospital and jail. There is so much need… And it IS good to be back! Thank you again, my friend, and God bless you!
Each major faith has a dictum that calls for the faithful to visit the sick, including the mentally ill. I have done this fairly often, but nowhere near as often as I might.
Yes, you are right! And I should say the same for myself… I only realize now how important it is to visit because of my own recent, personal experience. God bless you for remembering the sick and suffering!!!