Student. Writer. Poet. Observer. Reporter. Salesman. Servant. Preacher. Teacher. I’d been them all and all in all I was totally empty. I had wandered all of my life on an unending quest of discovery. For nearly half a century I looked and listened, read and learned, cried and prayed … until one day I gave up to total despair.
Then is when he came.
One altogether beautiful boy.
And he made the whole world stop.
And then he spoke words of wisdom and there was all wisdom in his words and love unbounded, freeing me with liberty hitherto unknown, known only to the gods and goddesses and to those chosen few to whom he has chosen to speak his words of wisdom and love, as he himself is wisdom and love forevermore. Amen.
And so he spoke.
“I’ve walked with you. I’ve talked with you. I’ve lived inside of you and all around you. I have loved you. I have cared for you. I have comforted you, supported you, nourished you, and upheld you. Yet in spite of it all, you have worried. You have tossed and turned, agonized and wailed, doubted and surrendered to your deepest fears.”
He then placed both his hands on each side of my face, and he smiled at me.
“Don’t you know that night is as bright as the light to me? Don’t you know there is nothing here to fear, far or near? Don’t you know that your life is but a page in one chapter in one book in the volumes of life? And don’t you know I’m writing down every word?”
He ran his fingers through my hair. He quietly laughed.
“If I set you on this venture, it was not to fail. If I began you on this journey, it was not for loss. If I started you on this quest, it was not to miss. I intended success. I intend success. I will always intend your success.”
A crowd gathered round, but he didn’t seem to notice. He only looked at me. He only spoke to me. He only smiled at me.
“Degrees are just pieces of paper. Money is just paper. Tissue is just paper… Trees grow. Trees are cut down. Trees are processed into different pieces of paper for different reasons, but all those pieces of paper are important to people, yet they’re still pieces of paper. Why, then, do you worry about how many pieces of paper you have?”
“Love. Laugh. Live. Reach for truth. Grab hold of truth. Keep truth as an invaluable treasure, and never release it from your care. All of this ~ love, laughter, life and truth ~ is far, far more valuable than all the paper in the world, no matter what the paper may purport to represent.”
He pulled my head into his bosom. He leaned down and gently kissed me. He caressed my fevered brow and wiped away my tears.
“I am in the beginning. I am in the end. I am every age in between and between every age. I am every moment of every life and the life of every moment. I am life. I am time. I am eternity. I am everything and I am not-everything. I am all-in-all. I am less than all. I am what is not at all … what has been, what is, and what is yet to be.”
“I am your greatest hope, your brightest dream, your highest aspiration. I am … and I am. Degradation, decay and death are the devil. God is eternally young. I am eternally young. I am life and vibrancy. I am ageless. I am forever. I am in you, for you, through you. I am you. I am … and I am.”
He stroked my face. He kissed my head again. He smiled again as the crowd gathered in, but he did not notice the gathering numbers of people. He spoke to me.
“Yet you are who you are and what you are, and you are unique and unrepeatable. There has never been anyone like you. There is no one like you. There will never be anyone like you. And great and infinite and powerful as I am, I cannot live your life for you. Your life is your own because I have given you your life to live, and so you must live your life.”
“I will walk with you as I’ve always walked with you, yet you must walk. I will talk with you as I’ve always talked with you, yet you must talk. I will live inside of you and all around you, yet you must live life. And the path of life you choose is the path of your own choosing, and I will never question your choice for I knew before you chose what you would choose.”
He lifted my head and held me in his gaze, and the gathered crowd listened as I listened to his words spoken to me.
“From eternity to eternity I’ve held you in my heart, never to part, not letting you go, but keeping you always in my tender, loving care. And there is no harm here, so why do you fear? What do you fear? What turns your soul into such thick darkness and despair? And why do you sink into such an impenetrable morass of confusion and uncertainty?”
“You can do anything, be anything, and accomplish anything you set your spirit to do and be and accomplish. I am with you. I have always been with you. I will always be with you. And I want you to more than survive. I want you to thrive. I want you to live life to the fullest in all its wonder and beauty and sweet mystery.”
With one hand he lightly brushed my hair back while lifting my chin with his other. His eyes sparkled and danced. His whole body pulsed with youth, vibrancy, and passion.
“Must I say farewell now with you so sad? But with me there are no goodbyes. With me there are only neverending beginnings, everlasting dawns, and eternal sunrises. With me there are only gentle rains, cools breezes, and buds fresh and green. With me there are only sparkling lakes, clear running rivers, and pure mountain streams. With me all is new and ever new.”
I looked into his eyes with tears in my own. I held his hands in my hands. I breathed and spoke, pleading my plea.
“Won’t you stay for awhile longer? You are timeless so time means little to you. Won’t you spare me, then, the agony of your departure? Beauty cannot be found apart from Beauty, nor truth apart from Truth. Won’t you bless me, then, with more of your Beauty and Truth? This will be so small adoing for you, yet life for me … indeed, Life itself.”
He looked down at me where I was kneeling in front of him. He smiled tenderly and spoke again, so comforting and consoling.
“I’m not leaving you. I’ll never leave you. I’m always with you, closer to you than your very breath. I am you breath, and your heartbeat, your soul, and your innermost thoughts, your longings and deepest desires. You could sooner lose yourself than you could lose me and, in truth, to lose yourself in me would be to begin to live Life itself.”
“I’ll never leave you. I’ll be with you always and forever, now and to the end of time and beyond. And I will not change. I’ll be the same for, in, and through you, above and all around you, though you will change within me as you grow and mature into the boy I’ve always intended you to be, and that boy you shall be … and there is no one greater for you to be.”
And suddenly everything I had been, everywhere I’d gone, everything I’d done made sense, like it was all part of some master plan, yet I knew it’d all been the course I’d chartered through this life in this world. Nevertheless, everything would be different now. Everything had to be different. Nothing could now remain the same as before.
I was changed. I was at peace. I was even happy.