Eye of Heaven So Silently Watching

Seeing from scenes of cosmic beauty eerily watching with heavenly eye,
So silently a climate of violence upon earthen home of broken humanity,
Never to blink or shrink from apprehension of the profusion of deviltry,
So devilishly clothed in self-righteous hypocrisy crowning all authority,
Yet you, divine beholder, my heart knows so very well with sign of love,
And from above in celestial abode you reach down and within my soul,
And catch me evermore to press me close, to draw me within to breathe,
To inhale your breath of life to live and to finally believe death has died,
And to lie in your bosom as you yet watch creation’s story coldly unfold,
While you hold your lovers wrapped up in golden sunlight forevermore,
As so many tragic scenes unfold beneath your ever-open all-seeing eye

Good to be Me

⊕  Septanelle Saturday  ⊕


 

Good to be me

Upon the rolling waves

Of this sea of life by divine decree

With much to save

Till I come home at last

Leaving behind me the withering past

All to be free

 


Note: The Septanelle is a verse form in seven lines with a syllable count of 4, 6, 10, 4, 6, 10, 4 and a rhyme scheme of a b a b c c a.  

Sailing Into the Sun

Wordflair Wednesday

Broken . . .
Upon the hardest rocks of painful reality
While this ship sails into the setting sun
To an abandoned land none should see
With only empty tales told one by one
To an audience captured in melancholy
But this will not be our death knell folly

Hopeful . . .
In westward sailing despite all danger
While we sing through bitterest tears
Soothing our souls against rising anger
While releasing all of our bygone years
Tho’ darkness clothes us at holy Diwali
But this will not be our death knell folly

Living . . .
In a state of specially undeserved grace
When now all this points heavenward
So within the moonlight we see our face
Hearing angel songs we’ve never heard
Tho’ the life of our life be ever so faulty
But this will not be our death knell folly

 


Note: The Wordflair consists of six lines per stanza. Line1 is only one single word used to convey mood and theme. Line 1, 2, 3, 4 follow a rhyming scheme of abab, while lines 5 and 6 form a rhyming couplet of cC. Finally, line six of the first stanza is repeated in the last line of following stanzas.

My Own Path

When I was a child so wild and free to be most wholly and totally me

You came to see what I might be on this voyage upon this sea of life

And then you issued a decree of clemency for my ongoing pilgrimage 

But I was left bereft of soul salvation that I would seek meek and mild

As your child very wild and free to be whatever I really wanted to be

And so this is the course I struck ~ my own path to climb the mountain

To drink from your fountain of youth and never again to die to life…. 

Apothegms

Life is a series of lessons given in which success is measured by what is learned

And learning to love is of all the most crucial lesson given to the yearning heart

Which learns its powerful part within a crucible of affectionate understanding

Without demanding the compliance of other souls to all its whims and wishes

Because no one can change the mind of another without binding her spirit first

And that is imprisonment with dictatorial demands rather than honest change

So that you never win friendship by ripping the fabric of another’s personhood

And this is an important life lesson too that you naturally grew into over time

Along with so many others not taught to you by mother, father, brother, sister

Just lessons learned through oft-times painful experience along the road of life

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Building Blocks of Life

True love awakens my heart while opening my soul

To teachings of the sages in the wisdom of the ages

For me to firmly build my life without so much strife

And Nature adds a mystical touch to the torch of life

That illuminates my steps forward, upward, onward

As I reach new heights over the plights of this world

And these are the strong building blocks of life now

For me here as I travel on with Beauty as the marvel

And centre of the One to whom I most wholly belong

 


Note: Thanks goes out to Patty at Dreampack for inspiring this poem!

An American Gita: The Savior

Student. Writer. Poet. Observer. Reporter. Salesman. Servant. Preacher. Teacher. I’d been them all and all in all I was totally empty. I had wandered all of my life on an unending quest of discovery. For nearly half a century I looked and listened, read and learned, cried and prayed … until one day I gave up to total despair.

Then is when he came.

A boy.

One boy.

One altogether beautiful boy.

And he made the whole world stop.

And then he spoke words of wisdom and there was all wisdom in his words and love unbounded, freeing me with liberty hitherto unknown, known only to the gods and goddesses and to those chosen few to whom he has chosen to speak his words of wisdom and love, as he himself is wisdom and love forevermore. Amen.

And so he spoke.

“I’ve walked with you. I’ve talked with you. I’ve lived inside of you and all around you. I have loved you. I have cared for you. I have comforted you, supported you, nourished you, and upheld you. Yet in spite of it all, you have worried. You have tossed and turned, agonized and wailed, doubted and surrendered to your deepest fears.”

He then placed both his hands on each side of my face, and he smiled at me.

“Don’t you know that night is as bright as the light to me? Don’t you know there is nothing here to fear, far or near? Don’t you know that your life is but a page in one chapter in one book in the volumes of life? And don’t you know I’m writing down every word?”

He ran his fingers through my hair. He quietly laughed.

“If I set you on this venture, it was not to fail. If I began you on this journey, it was not for loss. If I started you on this quest, it was not to miss. I intended success. I intend success. I will always intend your success.”

A crowd gathered round, but he didn’t seem to notice. He only looked at me. He only spoke to me. He only smiled at me.

“Degrees are just pieces of paper. Money is just paper. Tissue is just paper… Trees grow. Trees are cut down. Trees are processed into different pieces of paper for different reasons, but all those pieces of paper are important to people, yet they’re still pieces of paper. Why, then, do you worry about how many pieces of paper you have?”

“Love. Laugh. Live. Reach for truth. Grab hold of truth. Keep truth as an invaluable treasure, and never release it from your care. All of this ~ love, laughter, life and truth ~ is far, far more valuable than all the paper in the world, no matter what the paper may purport to represent.”

He pulled my head into his bosom. He leaned down and gently kissed me. He caressed my fevered brow and wiped away my tears.

“I am in the beginning. I am in the end. I am every age in between and between every age. I am every moment of every life and the life of every moment. I am life. I am time. I am eternity. I am everything and I am not-everything. I am all-in-all. I am less than all. I am what is not at all … what has been, what is, and what is yet to be.”

“I am your greatest hope, your brightest dream, your highest aspiration. I am … and I am. Degradation, decay and death are the devil. God is eternally young. I am eternally young. I am life and vibrancy. I am ageless. I am forever. I am in you, for you, through you. I am you. I am … and I am.”

He stroked my face. He kissed my head again. He smiled again as the crowd gathered in, but he did not notice the gathering numbers of people. He spoke to me.

“Yet you are who you are and what you are, and you are unique and unrepeatable. There has never been anyone like you. There is no one like you. There will never be anyone like you. And great and infinite and powerful as I am, I cannot live your life for you. Your life is your own because I have given you your life to live, and so you must live your life.”

“I will walk with you as I’ve always walked with you, yet you must walk. I will talk with you as I’ve always talked with you, yet you must talk. I will live inside of you and all around you, yet you must live life. And the path of life you choose is the path of your own choosing, and I will never question your choice for I knew before you chose what you would choose.”

He lifted my head and held me in his gaze, and the gathered crowd listened as I listened to his words spoken to me.

“From eternity to eternity I’ve held you in my heart, never to part, not letting you go, but keeping you always in my tender, loving care. And there is no harm here, so why do you fear? What do you fear? What turns your soul into such thick darkness and despair? And why do you sink into such an impenetrable morass of confusion and uncertainty?”

“You can do anything, be anything, and accomplish anything you set your spirit to do and be and accomplish. I am with you. I have always been with you. I will always be with you. And I want you to more than survive. I want you to thrive. I want you to live life to the fullest in all its wonder and beauty and sweet mystery.”

With one hand he lightly brushed my hair back while lifting my chin with his other. His eyes sparkled and danced. His whole body pulsed with youth, vibrancy, and passion.

“Must I say farewell now with you so sad? But with me there are no goodbyes. With me there are only neverending beginnings, everlasting dawns, and eternal sunrises. With me there are only gentle rains, cools breezes, and buds fresh and green. With me there are only sparkling lakes, clear running rivers, and pure mountain streams. With me all is new and ever new.”

I looked into his eyes with tears in my own. I held his hands in my hands. I breathed and spoke, pleading my plea.

“Won’t you stay for awhile longer? You are timeless so time means little to you. Won’t you spare me, then, the agony of your departure? Beauty cannot be found apart from Beauty, nor truth apart from Truth. Won’t you bless me, then, with more of your Beauty and Truth? This will be so small adoing for you, yet life for me … indeed, Life itself.”

He looked down at me where I was kneeling in front of him. He smiled tenderly and spoke again, so comforting and consoling.

“I’m not leaving you. I’ll never leave you. I’m always with you, closer to you than your very breath. I am you breath, and your heartbeat, your soul, and your innermost thoughts, your longings and deepest desires. You could sooner lose yourself than you could lose me and, in truth, to lose yourself in me would be to begin to live Life itself.”

“I’ll never leave you. I’ll be with you always and forever, now and to the end of time and beyond. And I will not change. I’ll be the same for, in, and through you, above and all around you, though you will change within me as you grow and mature into the boy I’ve always intended you to be, and that boy you shall be … and there is no one greater for you to be.”

And suddenly everything I had been, everywhere I’d gone, everything I’d done made sense, like it was all part of some master plan, yet I knew it’d all been the course I’d chartered through this life in this world. Nevertheless, everything would be different now. Everything had to be different. Nothing could now remain the same as before.

I was changed. I was at peace. I was even happy.

Companion

Heart gilded in gold compassion with laces of love

Never wearied by any worry born of fretful fear

And you are so dear to me so truly near my soul

Always abiding with an affection never subsiding

Along with songs sung so sweetly to comfort me

As your eyes open into an infinite sea of solace

So serene with an opulence of treasured peace

And joy bringing me rest in the folds of eternity

With my head so safely laid upon your bosom

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Some Lessons Learned Along the Way

Since leaving the group home last year and moving into a nice, middle-class home out in the countryside here in southeast Alabama, I’ve learned some important lessons ~ potentially life-changing lessons ~ that are bound to be for my eventual good, even though it’s now pretty painful. Anyway, I usually sort through things like this best when I collect my thoughts and write, so … I’m kind of thinking out loud here, getting it all down on paper, and maybe I’ll even receive some valuable feedback (and encouragement) from my readers. So, here goes, lessons I’ve learned over the past year or so:

  1. It is impossible for me to provide total care of another individual having very specific and special needs, such as, in this case, being a full-blown schizophrenic. I can love and try to understand, be compassionate and helpful, but I cannot, as my friend and landlord has put it many times, “handle” this person. Really, I’ve come to realize that probably no one individual can “handle” a full-blown adult schizophrenic on their own, without any help, 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Whether that’s true or not, though, I realize that I can’t do it … and that’s okay. Which leads to number two.
  2. I am who I am and what I am, and it’s not bad or wrong. I have intelligence, gifts, talents, and abilities, but I can’t be everything to everybody … even my best friend. Period. I have my limitations, part of which involves being bipolar with depressive disorder as well as general and social anxiety disorder. And this is simply true, period. And no one is going to wave a magic wand and make it go away, and I can’t just “get over it.” No, there’s a lot I can do to deal with it and even live a fairly healthy, productive life … but I can’t just “get over it.”
  3. Along with this, I’ve come to realize that my plans for my life have to truly be my plans. And it doesn’t matter … it can’t matter what others think, even if it’s a close family member or my best friend. And they may want to map out my life for me, but that wouldn’t be good and healthy for me. If I’m really that bad off, then I probably need to just go back to some structured, group setting rather than being out on my own … but I’m not that bad off! Period.
  4. And so too, I can’t accept shaming… If someone is constantly reminding me of how good, gracious and generous they’ve been to me, and continue to be, then something’s wrong. Point in fact, whether they consciously realize it or not, they’re engaging in shaming. Whether it’s their intention or not, they’re embarrassing and even humiliating me, and that’s not right. It’s certainly not healthy. If someone ~ family member or friend ~ makes a truly genuine offer, whatever it may be, then it’s not going to come with strings attached, and they’re certainly not going to constantly, repeatedly remind you of the wonderful gift they’ve given you. If they do, then guess what? It wasn’t really, truly a gift, which leads to another lesson:
  5. Yeah, it’s like the old saying goes: If it’s too good to be true, then it’s probably not true! So if that family member or friend makes an offer, again whatever it may be, and it almost seems too good to be true … look for the hook! More than likely there’s more to the picture than you’re seeing at the moment. Especially if they tell you again and again and again that they’ve given you something oh-so good and wonderful, something you couldn’t hope for elsewhere, and repeatedly remind you of just how thankful you ought to be, well … something’s terribly wrong. Loving family members and good friends just don’t do this. Besides, you just can’t live with this hanging over your head, at least you can’t live an authentically healthy life. So, yeah, look for the hook, because it’s very likely that, really and truly, there’s something in it for them. In other words, if they’re shaming you to keep you humble and grateful and essentially under their thumb, then there’s a reason they want you in that position. You have to ask yourself why… Look for the hook!
  6. And speaking of family and friends, I’ve had to realize that not only are my relationships my own, and no one else, I also have to guard those precious relationships. For example, with my children. I have a fairly decent, healthy relationship with both my children, and our relationship is primarily between me and each of them … no one else. Therefore, I cannot abide someone, no matter how close they may be, analysing and critically critiquing these relationships. Yes, family and friends have the right to talk with me, encourage me, even politely offer advice, but when that friend says something like, “I’m really surprised, even shocked, that your children still speak to you, much less love you and want to have anything to do with you,” they’ve gone too far. That person has crossed the line, period. And, by the way, I told my children about this (yeah! it really happened!)and we talked about it at some length. Both of them were blown away that this person would say something like that. And they lovingly reassured me that, though I’ve made my share of mistakes, I’ve never done or said anything at all to lose their love. So yeah … both of them love me, respect me, and certainly want to continue being an important part of my life. Far, far from writing me off … they love me and want me! Period! So this “friend” was just wrong, plain and simple. But he was also very hurtful. So anyway, no, I can’t have that sort of crap in my life… I don’t deserve it, which leads to the next important lesson:
  7. I am valuable. I have real worth. Consequently, I deserve as much respect as the next person. Yes, of course, I’ve had my issues and problems and struggles, but I’ve also accomplished a lot in life. And I’ve almost always been kind, compassionate, understanding, and generous. I’ve certainly always given others consideration and respect, so I deserve at least as much in return. This means, of course, that I’m simply not going to put up with condescending attitudes and total disregard for my thoughts and feelings… You know, it’s like this: I don’t treat others this way ~ I don’t treat others disgracefully ~ so I sure as hell don’t expect to be treated this way!
  8. And finally, it’s probably best not to become too entangled with family members and friends. You know, if I’m going to maintain those relationships, those friendships, then (at least in this culture, in this society) it’s probably best for me to be as independent as possible. Sad to say, but at least in this day and time, in this part of the world, dependency leads to subservience. The person who even partly controls your life, effectively controls you. So if I don’t like this kind of arrangement, then I need to break free and be as independent as possible. No more, no less. It just doesn’t work out, at least not without ruining that friendship, or other relationship.

Oh, and one more lesson just from my observation of a grieving friend:

  • You can’t keep someone alive through some mausoleum or memorial… Memorials to loved ones who’ve passed on is perfectly okay, so long as you’re not holding on in some really unhealthy way. When a loved one dies it’s sad, even tragic, and you mourn and part of you will probably always miss them, but … you’ve eventually got to let them go! And you’ve got to move on. This doesn’t mean you’ll ever totally forget them. Of course not! But it does mean that you pick up the pieces, get yourself back together, and move on! You get on with truly living real life! Yeah, it can be really difficult, but it’s far worse to somehow try to artificially keep that person alive after they’re dead and gone and buried… I hope this doesn’t come across as cold and cruel, really. I mean I’ve lost plenty of loved ones already, including my dearly departed parents. Not a day goes by that I don’t miss them, but … but I’ve moved on … just like they intended! Let me say that part again: Just like they intended! My folks would be horrified, in fact, if they thought I was holding on and somehow trying to essentially keep them alive in some sick fashion… That’s not good. It’s not healthy, but … I know someone right now who’s doing this. I see it. I know it. And I know it’s not good, not healthy. In fact, in many ways I think it’s tearing him apart. 

Anyway, thank you one and all for letting me share. Thanks for letting me “unload” some of my burdens, clear my head, and whatnot. Most of all, thanks for reading, and if you have some thoughts or observations to share, please do so in the comments below! I’d love to hear from you, as always!

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Wild Ride

Off the sidelines, wile ride, run and hide

But life won’t wait, boy, so take the bait

Of pumping adrenaline you can’t escape

Before we crash and burn in torn pages

Of all the past ages of history, our story,

An unexpected tale of historic confusion

With little expectation of any redemption

Yet will your love surely save our souls

From the hounds of hell on this wild ride

As we duck and hide and abide together

In some long lost forever land at hand

But still unseen on this wild ride of life

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